there is a reason for everything?

I used to believe very strongly in this phrase and you would hear me say it quite a bit, especially when I was trying to comfort or encourage someone. Well now that I am in the "shit" its a different story and I have to question that phrase. When someone says it to me now I just get irritated and want to actually just have a rant at them because they have no idea what it is like to be me. But then again am I being selfish and how did all those people I said it to feel when I said it to them? Did it encourage them or did it just get on their nerves. Don't get me wrong I know peoples intentions are only good and kind and the first couple of times and every other time in between that phrase picks me up a little, but I always come back to thinking does everything really happen for a reason and is that reason always good or does it just happen? What I'm going through makes me question it every second of the day. Did this happen to me to test my faith and strengthen it? Did this happen to test my marriage and to see if everything I said about marriage and divorce is true? Did it happen because I was meant to meet my soul mate and my ex-husband was really not the one for me no matter what I thought and said about marriage and divorce? Is my soul mate really my soul mate or was it all a lie? I know you not supposed to know the reason as your fate is being played out but that is something else I battle with at the moment...the phrase "in a year you will look back and laugh and be a better, stronger person than you are now". Do you have any idea how hard it will be and how far I have to dig within myself to make it through a year?? Yes maybe I might laugh then but what about the year or however long I spent getting there? What about all that heartache and pain does it just go away? No! Everything that has happened to me in my life has left a mark on me and some memory or part of it always brings pain, embarrassment or that dreaded feeling of rejection. I have to say that this one experience on its own doesn't come close to any other one event in my life and previous events or men/boyfriends never meant this much to me (which is so interesting on its own) so I can look back and say I am ok. I was chatting to my sister the other day and she said its so sad how these things will just make us harder and make it more difficult for us to love again or to really love someone at the fear of being rejected again and not good enough. But we decided we wouldn't let that happen and that hopefully this amazing love that everyone says it just out there waiting for us is actually real. Thinking about it now it's very difficult to not pull away from love and to believe that everything happens for a reason. Goodness knows what reason there is for this but I have often thought how much I feel like a puppet and God is playing games with me. If I did believe you pull away from love because you have been hurt so much I would never have fallen for him the way I did and I wouldn't have opened my heart and soul to him without hesitation the way I did....another phrase while we on it, "time heals everything". Now from the above you can imagine what my feelings on that is...I hate time, we don't all have this endless amount of time so stop wasting it and waiting for time to pass so everything will be "healed". Ok without sounding heartless in the case of death this is not possible but if you are alive and kicking that phrase should be deleted from your mind! My opinion (strange as it may be) is that we only have one life and if you want something you need to fight for it! Time won't heal my broken heart if I sit here waiting for it to pass. No only action will heal my heart and when you are broken hearted that is the last thing you want to do for fear of yet another rejection or being told everything will be ok eventually. You would rather stay in bed and pretend like the world doesn't exist and only live in your little head with your dreams. Maybe that is why they made up that phrase....