...history repeating itself leaving me broken and alone again. It is so difficult to live my life without this thought in the back of my head. How do I get it to go away and not affect aspects of my life? They are my fears. I shouldn't give into the negative thoughts, I should shut them out. When I am bored I let them fester and grow bigger because I want something to happen. How can I want something terrible to happen, why does my mind go there, is it normal, does everyone experience the day mares I have? Positive thinking and keeping myself busy at times of boredom is the best remedy and I must constantly remind myself of this. As much as I hate drama queens I am bit of one myself.
I don't believe I deserve something good and amazing to happen to me. As much as I hate my father for this personality trait he has it has rubbed off on me, I just keep it inside and when insecure it rears its ugly head. Why would something so perfect happen to me, there has to be something wrong with it right? It can't actually be so good and something will go really wrong right? Has this thinking my whole life gotten me to where I am now? No that I strongly do not believe because despite everything I am the biggest optimist I know and after wallowing for a bit will climb out of the hole on my own and fix myself. I think that is one thing I have learnt; don't rely on anyone else to reassure you or make you feel better because only you can do this. Only you knows you and knows what you want and need so you need to be positive enough to know when to stand up and get through it....
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